"Belly Boarding the Lunar Waves" by Captain Chaos 1998 Pisces Lunation

[A] Please note that those who are likely to enjoy reading Capt. Chaos will be those who realise that life is too important to be taken seriously; that life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality; & are those who enjoy playing along the spectrum of identity, consciousness & being. [B] Please note that those individuals who should avoid Capt. Chaos in all instances are those with comfort & niceness as high values; those with an addiction to romantic fantasy; & those who are so attached to outmoded identity that they have no real intention of continued growth & development. If in this latter category, reading the following could be injurious to your health, which is marginal at the best of times. If you are a newcomer to this entertaining series, you may have missed the original introduction, so it's reprod below. You may need this to orient yourself to Capt. Chaos' style, otherwise, if you're in category B, you could fall around frothing at the mouth, as you find yet another opportunity to vent your primal rage on other human beings. Hello Earthlings, Captain Chaos calling! I've been sent to you to help lighten your load. Oh! - you think that I might be another one of your mythical saviours? Sorry, that's another department. We have an outstation near what you call Alpha Centauri, so it's only a hop, skip & jump to your pretty little planet. Interesting experiment going on here. After I was put on assignment, I researched the records & came up with this ancient file entitled "PROJECT MUSHROOM". Simply put - seed a suitable planet, keep all participants in the dark & feed them bulldust. Must have seemed a good idea at the time. Now we owe you something of an apology & explanation. The project designers screwed up! They didn't allow adequately for the harshness of the conditions & the resulting evolution of such powerful survival behaviour. You've overdone it a bit, haven't you? Overpopulation & pollution of the planet, torturing & killing each other indiscriminately, creating social structures to control others, extensive & mandatory brainwashing. Do I need to go on? Actually, it's very embarrassing for the Cosmic Design crew & they don't want it to get around. A culture of Self annihilation is not going to sell very well. So, here I am! Sneaking in the back door so to speak, being channeled by one of your fringe dwellers, an astrologer. Not very popular creatures are you? Your only usefulness is that you do look upwards, or into an Ephemeris, for some understanding of the incoming energy waves. And like the rest of the population, you are afflicted with a bad case of the "Hyper Survival Plague". It's an inevitable result of the Mushroom treatment. Some around here call it KAQ (Kill the Alien Quick - pronounced KAK) or DTS (Don't Talk - Shoot). So as I'm sure you can appreciate, we can't come in the front door carrying flowers & saying we're sorry & won't ever do it again. Such sensory little things, aren't you? So like living in the familiar smell of your cute little bodies. I'm what you'd call a standing wave form, so I don't wear your dilemma of coordinating flatulence & orgasm. I'm going to send information about each of your moonths [Sun/Moon cycles] so that you can, if you choose, start riding the electromagnetic waves a little easier. Like feeding chooks; too little & they'll kill to get it, too much & they get fat & lazy. It's real hands on intuitive stuff, as I'm sure some of you can appreciate. One of the companion diseases to KAQ is SS (Super Seriousness). A rather deadly combination, these two. While you may think you're semi-enlightened, these diseases are endemic to the Astrological community. What a pity all your insights devolve to survival strategies. Enough introduction, let's get on with the instruction. Open wide! New Moon on February 27th @ 7 Pisces 55' At this new moon the Lights partile square Pluto. They also conjunct Jupiter & Mercury. Both the recent Sagittarian & Aquarian moonths connected closely with the current Uranus/Pluto sextile. This meant that they were conduits for transpersonal impulses, unsettling our comfort zones & confronting us with the need to make substantial changes in personal identity. In this current Pisces moonth, the transpersonal influence of Pluto is the dominant evolutionary factor & near the full moon it is going to station retrograde & exactly square Jupiter. So this could be called a fear & greed cycle or "the skull grins in at the banquet". If you are still as attached to your personal history or herstory as you were a few months ago, then this cycle will agitate all your existential fear buttons as Death drives just behind you down the highway of life. You think I'm just pulling your strings again? Probably! Notice how a few little marks on a piece of paper (or a computer screen) can start you twitching. Perhaps now is the time to really take notice of your normally unconscious paranoia. What makes Johnny run, with diahorrea? What makes Mary hot to trot, to the loo? Fear riddles, what's the game, anchored in the childhood name, funny, punny, nixt to fiddles, medical world says asthma's king, must be genetic or some such thing. Oh! I could waffle on something salubrious, but then you'd probably loose interest. I guess what you really want is some good old fashioned entertainment. I've been singing but you probably want some dancing too. Go back to your 1940's & 50's Hollywood movies; that should really keep you stuck in the past. First Quarter Moon on March 5th @ 14 Gemini 34' Now the thot plickens! On the 2nd, Chiron stationed retrograde, vibrating your internal schisms, your good/bad number routines. Then at this first quarter, Venus conjuncts Neptune & they both sextile Mars. Fantasy rules supreme, the lemmings are dressing up, preparing for the bright moonlight when they will shed vast clouds sperm & ova in a mist of oceanic rapture. In their dreams! Must think they're bloody fishes. Welcome to the Casino, oops! - entertainment centre. The Gemini moon opposes Pluto & squares the Sun /Jupiter. Everyone is ‘drop dead' beautiful, the wonderful world of advertising must be the ‘word upon the waters' & everyone lives happily ever after. Reality may bite, as Pluto stations retrograde on the 11th, at the same time as it exactly squares Jupiter. The veils of illusion are blasted usunder, as Kali rides forth from her summer residence, swinging a sword & wearing a stunning ‘skulls off the shoulder" number that Dracula's bride died four. Four & four makes sixteen in exponential land. Just thought you'd like to know how the Universe really ticks. A veritable wordfest to shield you from what's going on, like the Gamelin driving away evil spirits. Full Moon on March 13th @ 22 Virgo 24' The fantasy of Pisces meets the critical scissors of the puritanical Censor. Chop, hack, chop! Private parts litter the ground like autumn leaves after the first brush of delicate snow. With Venus sesquisquaring the Moon & semisquaring the Sun, the dream of union is stabbed a mortal blow by the cruel spectre of jousting gender roles. Films of fine moonlight speckle the ground in colours of grey, grey & grey. And you wanted Technicolor! Still, it starts off being a randy time, with Mars trining Pluto & both of them sextiling Venus. He/she will look so good from a distance, as your biology runs rampant, gonads twitching, forcing the projection of gender stereotypes. The horny little toads will be wooing & strutting through the shopping malls of your consumerised imagination. You'll have a high old ball on the old town tonight, Friday night & all in downtown OZ. Double damn, it'll only be Thor's day in the land of the brave & the free. Have to take a cold shower or two, won't you? So it's biology that makes the world go round? No wonder you're feeling so giddy & you thought it was the booze. Being yanked around by your genitals is certainly one way to inhabit planet Earth. If it ain't bringing you any long term satisfaction & the life style cost is too high, consider the possibility of operating from some other chakra. At the moment, it's probably all too hard, too confusing & you didn't ask to be here. Better find out who made the arrangements. Perhaps you could ask your local time-share corporation. They may be a front for MIB. Last Quarter Moon on March 21st @ 0 Capricorn 29' Enough of this silliness! Time to get serious about life & find some social dungheaps to climb. As I often repeat to myself, it's better to do your time in the penthouse than in a prison. The Equinox has happened, the moon has trudged into Capricorn, the Sun sextiles Neptune & widely trines Pluto. Saturn has been quincunxing Chiron for the last two moonths. The authoritarian cruelty of our ancestors requires some profound apology if reconciliation is going to be possible. Exciting times in OZ with a federal election possible around the Wik/Race issue & the growing swell of a movement towards Republicanism. Those carrying the can of an outmoded traditionalism are going to look very goofy this moonth. Still, I suppose some bunch of lemmings is going to have to play the ugly parts in this neo-colonial drama. A whole new energy wave is being created at this point, so different to that of the last few moonths. You'll have to wait for some highly meaningful comment on my next visit to your pretty little planet. So I'll say adieu to you, & with grace & jam on my face, slide off over the horizon into the sunset & hyperspace.